Sometimes it bothers me that one of the first questions people ask me as a high school girl is “Do you have a boyfriend?” I mean, sure, if Troy Bolton walked into my high school tomorrow, my Gabriella self would be all about it, and we’d be singing and dancing in the rain every day, but that hasn’t happened so far, hahaha. Seriously, though, of course most of us teens would love to be dating someone amazing, but instead of just relying on some “magic spark” that Disney told us would happen once in a lifetime, or trusting that, just because we are attracted to someone and think they are fun to be with, it’s a good idea to date them, shouldn’t we have some kind of idea, some set of standards beyond “cute and nice and fun” of what we are looking for in someone else? We can be attracted to the wrong kind of person—who has been there, can I get an amen? We can think someone is sweet and fun and cool but not share essential values. I don’t want to settle for an unhealthy relationship just because I’m attracted to someone, and I also don’t want to think about a boring relationship with someone that might share all of my ideals but to whom I am not at all attracted! I asked God about all of this.
So the other day, the Lord put it on my heart to intentionally write down all of the qualities I want in a person I would date, beyond just being attracted to them. The Lord also had me put down the characteristics of the woman that I strive to be—which is also the kind of woman that I pray for my brothers, cousins, and guy friends to meet and fall in love with one day. So today, I want to share with y’all those qualities, and go a little more in-depth with them, just to tell y’all what I believe are the things we should be looking for in a godly partner, not just for the long term, or for marriage, or for one day in the future, but even now, as teens.
Qualities of a godly man:
~He must be after God’s own heart: he’s not just a “church boy,” he spends time with the Lord and genuinely pursues a relationship with Him. He needs to be more interested in following God than in just pursuing a girl. It is crucial that he have an active prayer life. He must love and respect others with Christ’s love.
~He needs to be a leader: it’s essential that he is intentional in pursuing, he must work to win a girl’s heart, and he needs to be pushing her forward in her faith…at the high school level here, we’re not talking about taking the job of a husband, being a spiritual head of the household, but just that he is encouraging of her faith. And, call me old fashioned or an outdated southern belle, but he MUST be the one making it clear that he’s after her! Girls can drop hints, (you know we do, haha!) but guys must pursue. Let’s not be forward, ladies!!!
~He must be a gentleman: kind, respectful of women, respectful of adults, loving, and NOT JEALOUS (that’s a key one, ladies…probably a whole blog can be dedicated to that!)
~He needs to be a humble servant: a selfless person, not boastful, and generous in his God-given gifts.
~He cannot hold a grudge: we all struggle with this, but people make mistakes, and in relationships, people are especially going to encounter this, so the ability to be patient and forgiving is such a vital quality!!
~He must pray with/over you: prayer is important in a relationship, in our relationship with Christ and our relationships as believers, so a mate who prays not only with you but also over you, is so, so important to find.
Now, it’s not fair to put the entire burden on the men. Ladies, we have some responsibilities here, too. Go back and look at that list, but re-label it: “Qualities in a godly woman” and let’s see how we measure up to our standards. Convicting, isn’t it?! We can’t demand that they guys be one way, while we don’t also strive to be that way. Let us also remember that we are not to be gossips and that we need to emulate Proverbs 31. We are called to be hardworking, caring women, who know that time with the Lord is the most valuable thing in the world, who know that our worth lies in so much more than people and their opinions, who laugh without fear of the future because we trust in the Lord’s plan, who care for people deeply and continually pray over the ones that we love, and who know that beauty and other things on this earth are temporary, so we fix our minds on things above because we know that the Lord is forever.
This isn’t to say someone has to be perfect before we should consider going on a date. I just felt led to listing out some standards for which I would like to strive for myself and that I would like to find in someone with whom I was in a relationship. There’s always room to grow, but if some of these characteristics were blatantly missing, that might be a red flag. So until Troy Bolton comes dancing into my high school, I am just going to keep working on these qualities in my life…
praying for y’all today sweet friends and the song for today is Shape of Your Heart by Hillsong United to remind y’all that the shape of God’s heart is for you! He loves YOU! y’all are so valued!!! you are priceless loves and I will see y’all soon!!!